"Any double amputee who enjoys taking a dive out of the window of a moving train is okay in my book"

I’m mixing it up this time by not making excuses for my lack of entries into my blog. Or did I just do that? Anyway. My last weekend in London started out as to be expected; a lot of drinking in strange places, getting my 3-day-old jacket stolen (the 3rd to disappear in my travels) and getting lost in the burrows of London.

The tandem vomit fest that Ben and I undertook for about 8 hours on Sunday morning however, was not on my initial itinerary. Through a process of deduction we have narrowed it down to dodgy chicken from a classy place called FCKF at 2am. Maybe the phonetics of the name would have warded off wiser men.

Replace the ipecac with chicken burgers and remove the volition and it would end up like an all night version of this: Family Guy

With this in mind it would seem that fate has a cruel sense of humour- the following evening as I was crippled with a variety of pains in front of the television I was treated to a lovely program called Human Guinea Pigs – picture jackass meets a science show. Through a mixture of a non-working remote control, aches, nausea and general shock: I was trapped in front of 4 young English men attempting to consume two kilograms of tripe (boiled cow stomach) in under 12 minutes. The first of the 4 was staring into a bucket within 3 minutes while one of them actually managed to finish off the lot. In my fragile state you can imagine what this did to me, but miraculously I didn’t join in the regurgitative festivities.

Still fragile some 48 hours later… I bagan my journey to Geilo, Norway. Well aware of the lengthy waiting periods I faced in transit I grabbed the most interesting book I could find off the shelves at the airport without knowing too much about the book’s content.

This book was one of the funniest things I have read in a very long time. I couldn’t put it down. In fact; while not the longest book in history, knocking off an entire novel in half a day is something I can’t honestly say I have pulled of; ever. Having said that- naturally this book would have to be full of disgusting practical jokes, gruesome disembowelment stories and of course- the all-too-familiar symptoms of incurring dysentery while in south-east Asia. If the imagery wasn’t enough to rattle my fragile soul… the fact that the same bruised and battered muscles that I had overworked in the early hours on Sunday morning are the very same muscles one primarily uses in laughing constantly for 6 hours… was surely sufficient to do so.

“I even took a shine to trolley man – he may have been an abusive violent alcoholic, but any double amputee who enjoys taking a dive out of the window of a moving train is okay in my book.”

David: you in particular would crap yourself reading this book.


Paul Carter – Don’t tell mum I work on the rigs. She thinks I am a piano player in a whorehouse.

Big props to the pilot for landing on ICE by the way. Sitting here on the train just under 3 hours away from my destination – let’s see how Norway plans on treating me.